Must the Captain Always go Down with the Ship?



Article From Ela Lindsay‘s Single Files :

Often readers ask me where I get my ideas and inspirations for this column.  Sometimes I wonder myself.

Believe me, I definitely get that sinking feeling when I sit down at my computer to write and nothing flows easily.

On the other hand, when something sparks my imagination, the next thing I know I’ve got my bearings set, I chart a course and launch full steam ahead into a discussion I hope will appeal to readers.

Like the other day, for instance.  Out of the blue I stumbled on the fact that over 200 words end in “ship” and I couldn’t help noticing that many of them can apply to singles.  So then I was all aboard with an idea and off to the races.

Now, I really don’t want to go overboard with this topic but I do want address those readers who might feel adrift alone in the sea of singledom or who are running aground in their attempt to meet a good first mate.

First of all, it really buoys my heart and spirit to know that many daters these days are opting to anchor new relationships on solid footings based on friendship and companionship.

As far as I’m concerned, good partnerships navigate best when there’s good chemistry and communication.  Common values and goals as well as some shared interests also help a couple cast off in the right direction on their voyage toward a long-term commitment.

Alas, what can sometimes capsize a relationship before it even gets underway is a sea of choppy waters consisting of hardships like miscommunication, misunderstanding and even general apathy.

In my mind, singles heading into a shared alliance must both be on board with the idea.  In order for a couple to enjoy calm waters, there has to be a strong sense not only of leadership and purpose but a shared focus on marksmanship, with the target being a happy, combined future.

However, the vessel of love can sometimes become a battleship, which in turn can create somewhat of a dictatorship so the couple is no longer on an even keel.

This is the time, I think, when it’s important to reassess, reimagine and even perhaps consider returning to the courtship phase in which happy feelings of love can be reignited.  It also doesn’t hurt to have some fellowship; even worship can be a good thing at this point.

Also, a long-term happy liaison is not conducive to spectatorship.  Both parties must engage in the process and even step into spokesmanship roles to express their innermost feelings, thoughts and desires to one another.

Another thing that sometimes causes couples to end up astern is the fact that they fail to remain abreast of one another.  Sometimes one person wants to forge ahead while the other lingers aft in a churning wake of confusion.

This is when it’s crucial to make headway by battening down the hatches, getting back on deck together and setting new bearings; otherwise the whole partnership might be sunk. These days, it’s crucial for couples to take ownership of their issues and turn those hardships into triumphs.

Also, it’s important for them not to get bogged down with unnecessary things like showmanship and hopefully not receivership.  (As a writer though, I’m all for learning good penmanship.)

On the other hand, the concept of being alone seems so alien to some singles that they operate in a whirlpool of indecision, inactivity and fear, almost like they’ve landed on Earth by spaceship or via some other starship.

Perhaps we should be making scholarships available for singles with greatest need to learn the necessary skills to become captains at the helm of their own ships or, if they choose, together as first mates with a partner.

Either way, if, as the saying goes, “the captain must go down with the ship,” at least we’re all part of a crew of folks who are learning to stay positive and make the best of the ebbs and flows of life as singles.

After all, we have membership in an exclusive club and definitely can harbor many more people on our crew.  Personally, I’d like this readership to be the flagship of optimistic, happy singles as positive examples for others.

So I say: Go forth, show good sportsmanship; find a steamship, catamaran, dinghy or any kind of a seaworthy vessel and bravely launch into enjoying your singledom, whether you choose to go it alone or seek a worthy partnership.

Disclaimer: The above image is for representation of the below incident and need not be considered as an actual case image.

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Source: The Acorn