Contempt is dangerous because it not only attacks a person’s character, but it assumes a position of superiority over them. When we communicate this way, we might treat others with disrespect, mock them with sarcasm, ridicule them, or use dismissive body language such as eye-rolling or scoffing. If you notice any of these phrases coming from you or your partner, your relationship is in trouble.
“You don’t deserve me.”
Language that reflects contempt communicates to your partner that you believe they are less-than you, which can damage their self-esteem. What to say instead: “I’m struggling to see us as partners right now,” or “I’m viewing you as less valuable than me, and I need to work on it.” State how you feel in a calm and honest way.
“You’re pathetic.”
Name-calling simplifies a person into one negative attribute instead of appreciating the complexity of who they are: an individual with a host of characteristics, some of which we may not like. What to say instead: “I don’t like how you handled that situation.” Express what they did that you didn’t like, and why it bothered you.
“You’re a bad parent.”
Partners know each other’s insecurities. Language that exploits these vulnerabilities isn’t just hurtful — it undermines trust by taking someone’s weakness and using it to make yourself look like a better person. What to say instead: “I think this situation is triggering issues from your past. How can we work through them together?” Respectfully acknowledge areas of sensitivity and communicate in a way that doesn’t feel like an attack on their character.
“You’re so needy.”
When you use language that says your partner is annoying, smothering, or generally bothering you, it suggests that their needs don’t matter. What to say instead: “I hear that you want my attention, but I’m feeling suffocated and need some space.”
“Stop asking if I’m okay. Everything is fine.”
Passive-aggressive language keeps partners from talking about their problems in a direct and open way. This makes it difficult to resolve conflict, and can make both parties feel insecure. What to say instead: “I’m really upset, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” Instead of ignoring your problems, take some time to face and reflect on them.
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Source: Vigourtimes
